So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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