Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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