She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Randomize
