they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
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