Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Randomize
