apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
