So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
