Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
