i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
