open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
