I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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