whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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