Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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