Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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