She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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