id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
