Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
