At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
