Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
