We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
