it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
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