Heybabeimwearingurpanties
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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