i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Randomize
