Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
