i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
