So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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