Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
