I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
