Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
