My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
