2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
oh god was she eating orange peels again
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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