I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
