the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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