my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
