its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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