bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
How external is "for external use only"?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
