I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
