And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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