Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
