that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
