thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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