why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
