well I can't set my house on fire every night
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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