No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
