she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I'm passing your future prison.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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