dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Randomize
