but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
