It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
