what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
