she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
