Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize