i barfeds in our rink
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
