whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
