piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
