lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
