He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
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