Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
