Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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