Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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