so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Randomize
