I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Randomize
