There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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