You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
