I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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