CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
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Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
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The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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