She's JV to your varsity
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
