I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Randomize
