If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize