Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I'm gonna fight the coyote
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
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