You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
