The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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