living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
