Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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