Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I deserve this hangover.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
