Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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