We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
